This is a hard topic to write about for me. I’ve written something like 9 drafts of this post and erased them all as they wander off topic faster than I can type.
For the sake of this writing I’m going to talk about just one aspect of being in the moment, and if I’m being honest it’s probably closer to having situational awareness of your life. We plan for the future, we lament the past, but how often do we actually look around and appreciate the present? It’s funny when I started writing I was 100% sure I had “Be more in the moment” in my New Year’s resolutions last year, but when I looked… nope.
I haven’t talked too much publicly about what I’ll refer to here as the “dark years”. I’m only just starting to come out of them and become my normal self again largely in part to my somewhat unusually patient husband. In my last post I talked about this some and I’ll probably go deeper at a later point, but I had a lot of grief and stress hit and it BROKE me. I was 100% focused on how things should be instead of how they were, and I wasted a lot of emotional and mental energy on trying to reshape reality for lack of a better word. It wasn’t until I was talking through it with my dad and a few friends going through similar situations that I realized what I was doing and allowed me to work through my own issues.
So today I’m going to be very present and in the moment. I’m sitting on a plane working on my second cocktail, on my way to Austin for a customer visit. I have a new-ish job that I expected to hate, worked hard to not fit into, and despite it all I’ve really come to appreciate and enjoy it. Instead of feeling stemied and blocked at my job growing and changing in ways I never expected to. In addition to that I find my personal/social outlooks to be shifting in ways I never thought possible. My goal is to continue this into the new year.
So I’m writing all this to say…I’m ‘woke’ I guess, as the kids would call it. I’m back to appreciating my life and not focusing on what I don’t have or what I haven’t accomplished. I have gratitude, not frustration. Slowly but surely I’ve started to allow myself to be happy again.
Hopefully that’s not too ‘vaguebook’ for a post.
Also published on Medium.