If I were God…

Humor ,Ruminations
December 9, 2006

I’d give up on all this church business. I mean lets face it; it’s more of a racket than the mafia, and I don’t think that the message is getting out in an unadulterated form. When you rely on people to get your message out, it’s going to come out wrong. We’re flawed. Accept it.

Instead I think God should consider Chinese fortune cookies. Think about it. Everyone eats Chinese food, everyone opens and reads the fortune (except heathens). That’s 100% market saturation right there. You can’t beat that with any modern advertising campaign. What’s the first thing you do upon reading the fortune? You either:

  1. You add “in bed” to the end. Can’t do that with most Proverbs, no sir. Fortunes > Psalms too. “The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want …. in bed. Well, maybe that trick works with the Bible too.
  2. You try to mangle the fortune to be about you so that you can show it off to all your friends how uncannily accurate it is.

Huh. Maybe God already tried the fortune cookie thing after all, and someone just compiled them all into the Bible. That would explain a lot.

But where did all the lucky numbers go?