To start, but not begin

Too many people think that the start of something is also the beginning and they couldn’t be more wrong.

You may not start to realize your purpose, your driving force, your narrative weight, until long after you’re marching down the road in an inexorable two step. Maybe that’s when you realize you’ve been on the wrong path since your beginning. Or maybe it’s a joyous stride and you didn’t notice the road at all because the road didn’t matter.

A start is a singular point in time and space when awareness becomes a tangible force within us, when we realize that our world is a rippling pond inspired reflection of what we say, what we do, and what we think. Toss a pebble and change the world. That’s your start.

This website is the start of a story I’ve attempted to create over and over in a grotesque Groundhog’s Day parody that never felt right and never managed to sustain itself. It wasn’t until I realized that my start and beginning didn’t happen at the same time, that I don’t have to think or act or speak linearly, that existing sideways with the liminal spaces in the world is exactly how creators/creatives make it through our overly orderly world.

I realize this doesn’t make a lot of sense, but also keep in mind 2 dimensional objects only make sense half the time in a 3 dimensional world. Perspective is key.

That’s what this site is here for. It’s my perspective on the world shaped by 40+ years of a Gen-X’er trying to understand himself and where he fits into the world. My journey has shaped the road. It’s a love letter to my past and future selves simultaneously, wishing I could share with my insecure younger self that it DOES get better while also serving as a reminder to my older self just how good it was despite the struggles. It’s starting as a written blog with a heady mix of themes that intersected to create me: nerd culture, technology in general, queerdom, a southern conservative upbringing, and an ongoing love affair with Southern California and nature. I hope it captures the heartbreak and the joy, the people, the places, and the relationships that started, ended, and sometimes started again.

It’s a beautiful tapestry I’m only beginning to appreciate.

What you won’t find here is much reference to my professional work, outside of how it has influenced my definition of self and vice versa. While I have the same set of traits, skills, and outlook that I apply to my professional and personal life, they are very different things with very different points of view and very different audiences.