Boy no one has ever said those words. Or will ever want to. 

I can be honest enough with myself that I know that 2020 wasn’t all bad for me.  I’m DEFINITELY not saying it was good, or that the good outweighed the bad? But not only were there high points, I think I’m coming out of it a better person than I went into it. 

Last May I put a post on FB about the stupidly long list of things I had done March->May during quarantine.  It somehow started a fight at home (let’s put a pin in that for another day) but I look at it now and realized that I acted like I was running a sprint to the end of quarantine.  We all were to some degree, and here we are almost a year later and it’s still. going. on.  That list has naturally continued to grow since I can’t sit still, but instead of puttering around finding things to keep busy I’m trying to work on that whole self improvement bit.   Right now the only thing in the world I can control is ME, which means I need to be the best ME I can be.  No todo list will ever be read at my funeral and amaze people, and no amount of possessions or things will make me happy if I don’t like myself. 

I hope everyone out there is doing well through this turbulent world we’re in right now.  While we all have some commonality (pandemics, murder hornets, aliens, whatever else came out of 2020), we all have things that are unique to our own situations on top of that.

Don’t beat yourself up for not being perfect. For not being able to handle everything you used to do on top of this.  For being a human being.  We are all having to work mental muscles we shouldn’t have to, at a rate we shouldn’t have to.   It’s ok to out down ‘standard’ life stuff and handle it when you can.   I got a meal delivery service because I just did not have the mental capacity to meal plan and grocery shop on top of everything else happening to me.   I instead doubled down on things I can do, that I enjoy, and that help me carry this stress load for longer.  Like exercise.

Stress is like carrying a glass of water.  Anyone can pick it up, move it, and put it down.  What we’re being asked to do is to hold it at arms length for hours on end.  No one can do that without practice, so do it for little bursts, working your way up to holding it for longer. 

There will be a day when we can put it down.  I have hope.