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_thefirestarter

The world has been a stressful place- both persona

The world has been a stressful place- both personally and in the wider world. I’m keeping my head down, focusing on what’s important (summer wooo!), and finally paying attention to my own needs. The only way is through they say.

All that means that I haven’t really been too keen on keeping a regular posting schedule. Nothing exciting has happened because let’s face it, it’s winter and a pandemic so mostly... cuddling the fur kids, doing some plant tending and of course... gym gym gym.

Rebuilding a gym habit in my 40s has been a very different process than in my 20s or 30s. I can’t go as hard as I used to since injuries pop up with ridiculous ease. I’ve managed to nearly tear my bicep tendon three times since August as well as jacking my knee up. I’m not the most patient person ever so this is a learning experience.

Now that I’ve finally gotten back on the steady exercise train and cut down to 1-2 drinks a week, my diet is the next area to improve. Too much stress eating leads to yo-yo weight. I’m also trying to work in more room for downtime and leisure activity. Mostly reading, Final Fantasy XIV, some drawing here and there, and geeking out on server projects. As we head to spring I’ll probably be out hiking and bringing my camera along for the ride.

See you soon.

Instagram post 17949725434398399

Instagram post 17949725434398399

It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas. I’ve been swamped with life (obviously) and work, so my cousins quarantined and came out to spend some time with me. Thanks @ricky_edwards for hanging lights and @stephie_1122 for fixing my poor firework lights lol.

This guy right here? He’s been a real bright sp

This guy right here? He’s been a real bright spot in my life lately. My little ride-or-die buddy who stays glued to my side. Our mornings together have become a highlight of my day.

Warning: long post ahead.

Every relationship we have changes us. For many these relationships can easily override or erode their sense of self. We’re people pleasers, peacemakers, or have a desire to lift others up. When you look at marriage or long-term partnerships, the effect is even more profound.

Hindsight is 20/20 yeah?

I’m working on rediscovering who I am outside of the context of a relationship now.

I’m working on understanding my needs instead of pushing them to the back burner.

I’m working on opening myself up authentically to friends and family instead of just social media perfect moments.

It’s hard. It’s catching myself in the moment and examining my thoughts and actions- is this really how I think and feel or is it a learned behavior from toxic relationships?

Through all this, this little grumpy potato of a dog has stuck to my side. I’m lucky enough to have friends and family who continue to stick with me (along with a great therapist), but Winston is present in ways they can’t always be. It’s meant the world to me and helped me realize I’m still worthy of love.

It hasn’t been an easy lesson to absorb.

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